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December 5, 2007

Posted by Anya in : Uncategorized , 1 comment so far

It’s so hard to see with the glare coming down
It’s so hard to breathe
It’s so hard to tell what is lies and what’s truth
It’s so hard to believe
But I will stand in the rain and say
I still believe you
I will scream through the storms
I still believe you
I still believe youIt’s so hard to go on when I know I deserve death
It’s so hard to smile
It’s so hard to get up  when I’ve fallen again
It’s so hard to go onBut I will stand in the rain and say
I still believe you
I will scream through the storms
and the pain and the darkness
I still believe you
I still believe youIt’s so hard to trust you for myself
It’s so hard to lead
It’s so hard to find peace after all the shame
It’s so hard to be forgiven

And the screams turn to sobbing
And I will cry
I still believe you, I still believe you
The tears will turn to joy some day
I still believe you…

I think I wrote this sometime this spring, compromised mostly of various parts of IM convos.  There were a lot… talking about trusting God, about ways life changes, about trusting God, about salvation, about trusting God… you get the idea.

Anyway, I’ve found that it happens this way a lot, and with a lot more than the one person whom I was talking with.  Things happen that we don’t understand, that we hate, and we keep screaming through the storms that “Though He slay me, I will hope in Him… If this be so, our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace, and He will deliver us out of your hand, O king.  But if not, be it known to you, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the golden image that you have set up.” (Job 13:15… Daniel 3:17-18)  It is not just a defiant scream, it is our trust.  We will live for it and die in this hope — that God is faithful and will bring to completion the good work which He began in us. (Philippians 1:6)

Even when the refining feels like it is turning our hearts into “tar”, as it was put this spring.

And the good news is that God also gives laughter, even in the midst of the storms.  There were things that were supposed to be funny and weren’t and thus became funny, arguments about who was ADD after all, and if “night night” is a blessing.

God is great and God is good.